We’ve all done it.
Pretended to be our favorite athlete—driving to the hoop, scoring the goal, making the big save.
For most of us, it stayed a game.
But sometimes, it becomes something more.
Lately, we’ve also seen youth sports become more intense. Bigger goals, earlier pressure. The issue isn’t ambition. It’s when the goal is set for the child, instead of by the child.
Because when a goal is truly internalized, something important happens.
The Identity Gap
When kids set a goal—and start to believe in it—they create an identity gap:
the space between who they are today and who they want to become.
That gap isn’t a problem.
It’s the starting point.
The Growth Gap
At the very front of that journey is something smaller, but more important:
the growth gap — the daily question:
“Did I do something today to move closer to my goal?”
This is where growth actually happens.
Not in the big goal.
But in the small, repeated effort.
Why It Feels Hard
Living in the growth gap isn’t easy.
There’s always low level pressure in the background. A kind of ambient anxiety that comes from knowing you’re not there yet.
Kids usually go one of two ways:
- Lean into it
- Avoid it
Avoiding it doesn’t remove the pressure—it amplifies it.
Leaning into it, even in small ways, keeps it manageable.
The Role of Parents
As parents, the goal isn’t to remove the gap.
It’s to help kids:
- find a goal they actually own
- and learn how to live inside the daily growth gap
Because:
Kids don’t need the gap eliminated.
They need the ability to handle it.
Earning It Daily
One way to make this simple is through daily habits.
At Grit Kore, we call it earning grit:
It doesn’t have to be big.
It just has to be consistent.
What Actually Builds Confidence
Confidence doesn’t come from reaching the goal.
It comes from:
showing up to the gap—over and over again
Even on imperfect days.
Especially on imperfect days.
The Real Lesson
The bigger the dream, the bigger the gap.
But the daily work?
That’s always within reach.
And that may be one of the best lessons sports can teach:
You don’t have to close the gap today.
You just have to show up to it.
If you want to give your athlete a framework for showing up every day, our book Hockey IQ – Four Attributes of Hockey breaks down exactly how elite players think, grow, and close the gap — one shift at a time.
Find. A. Way.
— Greg
Related: Hockey Anxiety in Kids — confidence and anxiety are two sides of the same coin. Also explore: What Is Hockey IQ? and the Hockey Parents Resource Guide.
Grit Kore Workbooks
Give Your Child a Real Mental Edge
The Hockey IQ workbook builds the mental game — confidence, decision-making, and game intelligence — through structured exercises your child can work through at home.
See all resources: Hockey Parents Resource Guide
