Why Small Intentional Decisions Matter.
We’ve all been there.
A tournament 45 minutes outside a third-tier city.
Three-star hotel.
Rink. Lobby. Repeat.
Vacation days disappearing faster than expected.
The parent playdate goes a little too long.
The next morning…the idea of the gym, reading, or anything beyond breathing and blinking feels like a stretch.
A gritless weekend.
And on its own, that’s fine.
But when weekends like this stack up, something subtle happens:
You don’t fall apart…
You just start to drift.
We’ve talked before about how earning grit daily reduces anxiety.
Not because it’s intense—but because it keeps you aligned with yourself.
The challenge is that most of us are years removed from school—the last time structure did that work for us.
Back then:
- practice
- tests
- routines
- expectations
You were guided into growth.
Then that structure disappears.
And you enter a new node.
More freedom.
Fewer constraints.
More choices.
And that’s where the path starts to separate.
Think about it this way:
Your life moves through nodes—new environments, new phases.
Within each node:
- each day is a smaller node
- each decision, a smaller one still
And quietly, those decisions compound.
There’s also something else happening:
You have an idea of who you could be in that environment.
A projected path.
When your daily actions don’t match that path, a gap forms.
The identity gap.
You might not notice it right away.
But you’ll feel it.
As friction.
As low-level anxiety.
As a sense that you’re slightly off.
And here’s the part that matters:
You don’t close that gap all at once.
You close it inside the day.
Tournament weekends are a perfect example.
They’re a new node:
- different environment
- less structure
- more opportunities to drift
So the question isn’t:
“Do I overhaul everything?”
It’s simpler than that.
Can you live inside the node—just a little differently?
- 10 minutes on the treadmill
- a few pages of a book
- a moment to think instead of scroll
Not perfect.
Just intentional.
Because your kids are trying to build something on the ice.
And whether you realize it or not—you are too.
Small decisions.
Repeated.
That’s the path.
Find. A. Way.
Greg
What This Looks Like at the Rink
Most parents don’t need a bigger plan. They need a smaller one.
The identity gap doesn’t close with a New Year’s resolution. It closes with what you do between the second and third period. A few examples:
- Bring the book. Not to read cover to cover, just to open it for ten minutes between games.
- Park farther from the rink. A short walk beats no walk.
- Trade one scroll session for one stretch session.
- Text a friend instead of the group chat about line changes.
None of these fix the whole weekend. They’re not supposed to. They just keep you inside your own path, the one your kid is watching, whether they say so or not.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the “identity gap” this post talks about?
It’s the space between the person you’re trying to become and the person your daily actions actually produce. Tournament weekends, new environment, less structure, more chances to drift, tend to widen that gap fastest.
Isn’t a few missed workouts or a lost weekend not a big deal?
On its own, no. The point is that one gritless weekend is fine; it’s the stacking of them that quietly turns into drift. Catching it early is easier than reversing it later.
What’s a realistic way to stay on my own path during a tournament weekend?
Small, repeatable choices, ten minutes on a treadmill, a few pages of a book, one intentional conversation instead of a scroll. The goal isn’t a perfect weekend, just an intentional one.
Why does this matter for my kid, not just me?
Because kids notice more than they say. A parent living inside their own small decisions, even imperfectly, is part of what a kid is actually learning to do on the ice.
This article is part of our Mental Toughness & Grit: Complete Guide.
